How well do you receive support?

From whom in your life are you willing to receive support?

As you read the questions above, what did your brain do? If yours is like mine, it might have gotten defensive, "what makes you think I need support?" or defiant, "I can handle things on my own." These (very normal) thoughts are beside the point: receiving support is a skill that successful* people learn to do well.

*Reminder of our definition of success: doing what you said you would do, consistently, with clarity, focus, ease and grace.

How can you build this skill? By practicing it. One thing I've learned is asking for support can feel really hard. Given the way that most of us have been socialized to glorify independence and individual achievement, we've learned to (consciously or not) judge asking others for help as a sign of weakness.

The Gift of Support

What if we were able to see that when we ask another person for support, we give them a gift?

I've found that getting the chance to show up for a loved one and making a contribution to their life is a deeply nourishing experience. Look for yourself: can you think of a time when someone you care about asked you for support and you were able to provide it? How did that feel? Did it energize you? Did it deepen your relationship with that person? Maybe it made you feel more comfortable asking them for support in the future.

Giving and receiving support changes what's possible for us and amplifies our confidence. To paraphrase my favorite passage from Emergent Strategy: our quality of life and our survival are tied to how authentic and generous we are as we connect with one another (95). These connections entail both generosity in supporting others and generosity in giving others the opportunity to support us.

One small but effective way that my clients and I do this is by asking a friend for something like, "Tomorrow I'm going to do focused work on my application, are you willing to text me in the afternoon to check in?" This type of ask makes it easy for them to say yes and, more often than not, your friend will be excited to help you.

Coexisting with “Mental Chatter”

I'll take this opportunity to practice for myself: I could really use your support.

Last month I left my full-time job so that I could focus more time and energy towards growing my coaching practice.

This is tremendously exciting! Coaching is something I absolutely love to do, and having the capacity to build up my practice fills me with joy—and, incidentally, worries, doubts, and fears. "Sure, I've been able to get clients so far, but what makes me think I'll be able to get enough to support myself? I've never run a business before; do I really want to sign myself up for the stress and uncertainty of being an entrepreneur?"

Luckily for me, this mental chatter is exactly what I support people to overcome. That doesn't mean I can avoid it. It does mean I know how to coexist with it in a way that allows me to take action towards a goal that means so much to me.

One of the reasons I started writing this newsletter is so that you could get a better sense of the perspective I bring as a coach and the type of work I do with my clients. I've received such kind affirmations from so many of you which has helped quiet my doubts about this whole writing endeavor. So many things in our world compete for our attention; it means a lot to me that you take time to read what I share here.

If you want to support me even further, there is one specific way you can do that: connect me with people who are open to coaching for a free discovery call. Most of the clients I've worked with thus far have come from client referrals. The second greatest source is my friends and family inviting people in their lives to talk to me. Not only is this a HUGE help to me, but it can be a serious contribution to the lives of people who you care about.

How Well Do You Receive Support?